Monday, September 17, 2012
I started cardiac rehab today. I'm supposed to do 4 weeks, 2 days a week. I pay $25 each time, which sucks, but what're you going to do? I walked for 6 min during rehab, which kinda sucked. I told them I could do more, I mean, I walk more than that around the store. But bc today was my 1st day, they needed to do vitals, hook me up to the computers, and let the computer make up my workout. So every day that I go, I'll let the nurse or whoever come over and let me know what we are working on. I'm still upset over mom dying, I can't get it out of my head, I don't want to believe it's real, and I want to be able to comfort my husband, but I feel helpless. It is nuts. I want her back. I feel like it is so wrong. Why her? I'm not saying that it should have been someone else, but why mom? She's so special and I love her so much, so why did she have to leave this Earth so early? It's not fair. She probably would have come with me to rehab and then lunch or something today, who knows? Or we could have gone to lunch another day this week. Today, at rehab, they asked me for my emergency contact, and I gave them David's information. Then they asked for my 2nd emergency contact. I nearly broke down, bc mom was my contact. Actually, she was my 1st, and David my 2nd, bc if there were an emergency, she could usually get to me or get in touch with David. I know I keep repeating it, but dammit, I hate it. Hate it, hate it, hate it...it really sucks.