Monday, April 21, 2014

Misunderstood? Under-appreciated?

There's a customer that comes in my store.  I'd say he's in his 50s, at the most.  He was in a car accident last year, and got hurt pretty badly.  I'm not sure of all the details, but he walks with a cane, and has a hard time getting around now.  I help him out a lot, even if he has just a couple of bags.  If I can't, I get someone else to help.  He came up to me the other day, and asked if I felt under-appreciated since this whole heart thing happened.  He was having an off day, and felt that way.  I told him that I really haven't felt unappreciated, but I feel misunderstood at times.  I don't think that people understand what I've gone through unless they've gone through it themselves.  I know that I have to be in better shape.  I know that it'll be good for my heart.  But for the past 3 days, I just can't get it together.  I've had PVCs, my heart rate has gone up to 102, I've had anxiety (for no reason that I know of), and I'm so tired.  I work a lot, not's only 40 hrs, just like normal jobs.  I haven't been able to make myself go workout before or after work.  I feel that my job is such a workout at times, that I can't push myself to do more.  I know that my job isn't a strenuous workout, but some days, I feel like I'm put through the ringer.  

I love David, and I know that he pushes me to be better, for different reasons.  He wants me healthy so that I can be here for our kids.  I feel that he doesn't understand how tired I am at times.  I want to be better, but some days, I feel that it's hard to do extra...

That being said, I will do better.  I'm going to do it.  Even when I feel like I can't, I'm gonna have to push myself.  I can't overdo it, but I have to try to get it together.  I'll keep y'all updated on how that goes.  I'll be calling Dr. Lane tomorrow, anyway, just to give her a heads up on what's been going on this weekend.  Maybe she'll have suggestions to help me cope with this better.

Hopefully, everyone had a good Easter.  

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

I have a funny feeling...

Remember when Dr. Lane said that I will have to have mitral valve repair again; we're just not sure when?  Well, I'm wondering if I'll have it sooner than we all thought.  The reason is because I've been feeling different lately.  For instance, I never get tired at work.  I mean, I get sorta tired, because I'm up early every day, but I don't get so tired that I'm ready to leave less than halfway in my shift.  Last Sunday, my schedule was 7-3.  When I'm scheduled 7-3, I usually leave around 4 or later.  But last Sun, I practically ran out the door at 3 on the dot.  I could barely walk straight, I swear.  I was counting down the hours til time to leave.  I felt irritable too.  And it actually lasted all week.  Not the irritability, but the fatigue.  Also, I've been having pains and discomforts in my chest.  I can't describe them.  Not like I'm having a heart attack or something, but it's just hard to describe.  

Ugh, I hate this feeling...I hate having no control, and I don't want to feel like a hypochondriac.  I really just want this to go away.

Ok, just wanted to get that out.  I need to go to bed now...I'll call Dr. Lane's office tomorrow and update here if needed.