Quick note...

Dr. Lane called me again tonight...she got my results in from my cardiac MRI.  She said there are no signs of VSD, ASD, ARVD, or anything else that's bad.  Everything is looking great, and I'll still have to get that monitor tomorrow, but that is mainly for hers and my peace of mind.  I was feeling a little anxious today, so I'm glad I got some verification.  I was a little tired this afternoon, and I was laying down.  I wasn't planning on going to sleep, but I dozed off a couple of times.  Well, each time I dozed off, I jerked awake bc I was "dreaming" or something that I was dying...not a good feeling, I'm telling you.  So I sat up...it weirded me out a little (fine, a lot), but hopefully, I'll sleep good tonight since I got the news from Dr. Lane.  Fingers crossed xxxx

Dr. Lane called me this morning!!!

She said that I can go back to work this Thursday!  Which means that I can go back next week, since the schedule is already made out.  But, I've reached another snafu...she hasn't gotten the results back from my cardiac MRI yet, so she is working on that today.  Also, she read my 24 hour holter results from the other week, and most of it looked good, but I did have a little bit of arrythmia.  So, now we have to go with another monitor.  As soon as she calls me back, I'll have to go pick up the monitor and wear it for 3 more months.  Which sucks so bad!!!!!  But, it's better than no answers at all, or worse than that.  She said that this will be the last test.  I don't think I'll have to get that defibrillator put in, I think that's the reason for all these tests, to avoid it if it's unnecessary.  But if I have to have it implanted, I'd like to just get it over with :/

Seriously though, who wants to have this implanted?????

------>> Defib implant

Dr. Lane was worried that I may have ARVD (arrhythmogenic right ventricular dysplasia) and that is why we've been doing so many tests, and why she hasn't let me go back to work yet.  ARVD means that my normal pericardium has been replaced by fibrofatty tissue.  It is usually what causes sudden death in many athletes.  You ever hear of athletes who seem perfectly healthy and fall down and die when no one knew there was a serious condition?  Yeah, that...that is what she was talking about.  But she said that she didn't see any signs of it, so I should be ok.  That totally doesn't make me feel better.  Ever since I found out about this, I've had death in the back of my mind...well, middle of my mind...not near the front, but definitely not far behind.  I'm definitely scared about that.

I'm happy with my cardiologist, I still don't like her office staff.  She has different offices, and I suppose I could try those, but her office at the hospital is better equipped AND it's at the heart institute...so since I heard from her, I'll keep going to that office.  For now...

So, I'm happy I can go back to work!!!  She's supposed to be faxing my return to work form today, so fingers crossed they do what they are supposed to do.

Sickies update...

I had to take the kids to the pedi the other day...they weren't getting better despite all that I was doing.  I'm one of those who used to take their child in for any little fever.  I got smarter when I realized that I was wasting money bc they were doing the same thing I was at home.  So before I take them in now, I try to remedy it myself.  Don't get me wrong, I take them when they need it, but not for every little thing.  By Mon though, I felt that there was nothing else I could do.  The pedi said that they had the flu. The CDC had predicted the wrong strain of the flu for this year, and so the vaccines weren't helping.  So she sent the pharmacy some prescriptions for them, and they helped tremendously.  Gage is allergic to penicillin products (as am I), so he had to take Omnicef.  Rianna got Augmentin.  They both got Albuterol for their coughs.  They missed 4 days of school, but finally! they are well again!  David is getting there.  I got the sickies a little later, but they did hit me, and I am trying to keep from going nuts!  I hate congestion the most, and of course, that's what has got me.  I ran a fever for 2 days, but it never went above 101.  I think I'm pretty lucky.  I am just glad everyone is better.  

We took Rianna out to eat for her birthday tonight.  She chose Logan's, though we are not fans like we used to be.  But it was her night, so we went.  This Thurs is Thankgiving.  I am not excited about it.  Mom won't be here.  One thing mom loved was the holidays.  On Thanksgiving, everyone came here (they still will).  Christmas would be awesome also, but this year will suck.  Last year, we spent Christmas in Florida with mom and dad, and it was so awesome!  We spent Christmas Day on the beach, swimming and getting a tan!  We were all supposed to go again this Christmas, but it won't happen.  Mom was ready to book the trip too.  She was so excited.  We talked about how she and I had to recover from our surgeries and be ready to lay out and soak up the rays again.  I miss her more and more every day.  Especially the more I think about things we'd talked about, things that we did together, etc.  So, it's going to be hard, but we will try our best to honor her.  

Anyway, bedtime...don't forget your prayers...

November 17th

This may post as Nov 18, but that's bc it's after midnight.  Today is Rianna's birthday.  She is 9.  I swear, I love everything about that girl!  We always say that the reason she is so headstrong and stubborn is bc of her fight to make it out of the womb.  I was on bed rest for 6 months when pregnant with her.  The doctors were ready to deliver her when I was 16 weeks pregnant to save me, but she held on.  She was only a few ounces at that time, and I begged and promised and prayed that I could finish the pregnancy.  So 24 weeks of bed rest, it was.  I would do it all over again if I had to.  David and I knew then that we had a special little lady.  It's one of the reasons her middle name is Faith.

Rianna was born at 409pm, Nov 17th.  I had no medications with her.  In the 8 hours of labor I experienced with her, I passed out numerous times, talked to everyone on the planet, had an argument with my mother and the anesthesiologist that punked out and wouldn't give me my drugs, watched the Food Network, and held on strong to David's and mom's (Nancy's) hands.  When she was born, she was so adorable, and clean.  Not a blemish on her.  The nurses commented about how smooth and clean she was, not all wrinkly and stuff.  Oh, I love a wrinkly baby too, don't get me wrong, but it was like she was born a perfectionist.  She smiled during her 1st bath in the nursery (David had wheeled me to the nursery to watch), and when they 1st laid her on my chest after she was born, she held her head up.  Seriously lifted her head up!  We knew then that we had our hands full!

It seems like Rianna grew up way too fast.  I think that we all feel that way about our babies.  One reason I think it happened is bc she became a big sister at 2.  So instead of focusing all of our attention on her, we had 2 to divide attention with.  She learned everything so early.  David and Rianna had a specific routine for the evenings.  I used to work the evenings, so they were home together then.  After dinner, he'd give her a bath, they'd brush teeth, get lotioned up and dressed, and then played.  She learned her numbers and how to trace them, her colors, letters and how to trace them, and names of every electronic/appliance in the house!  At bedtime, they would go through the house and name everything.  In the kitchen-"Whirlpool Gold refrigerator", "WG microwave", "lights on/off",  etc...it was a 30-45 min routine, naming everything.  But it was fun.  On nights that I was home, I'd let them go through their routine without bothering them.

One thing we loved was that she was not a cartoon baby.  She loved PTI on ESPN, and golf.  She knew who Tiger Woods was early on, and had her 1st set of golf clubs at a year old.  She has always loved to play golf, and we tell people that our babies were born with golf clubs in their hands.

Rianna loved to be read to, and learned how to read early.  She still loves to read, and that makes me happy.  She is super smart, has won a writing contest for her grade, school, and county!  She's won the spelling bee, she makes straight As, and she has a lot of friends.  She is compassionate, and hates when people bully others.  She does not discriminate against anyone, no matter what.  She adores a little boy at school who is in a wheelchair and can't speak.  She loves animals, and cries every single time she sees an ASPCA commercial.  She donates her birthday gifts to the children's hospital.  No one told her she should do this, she just asked me one year about kids in the hospital.  She does 5k walks for the causes with me.  She is very emotional, and doesn't hold anything in.  Unfortunately, bc mom died 2 months ago, she's had to experience death.  I hate that the kids had to go through that.  We miss mom.  Mom had a special bond with each of her grandkids, a different one with each.

I love my baby girl's heart.  I know we clash sometimes, but I think it's a mother/daughter norm.  I love her with all my heart and I don't know what I'd do without her.  So Happy Birthday, my Rianna, I love you so much, and so does your daddy and brother, and all of your family.

Oh yeah, I'll update about illnesses in the next post.

News!!!!

I'm still taking care of 2 sick kids and a sick husband, while trying to keep myself healthy.  I am not sure what getting sick would be like for me, and I am not ready to find out.  Anyway, so today, I kept the kids and David home, and made them stay in the bed all day.  I didn't want more germs spread around, and I knew that they needed rest in order to get better.  Of course, they were just happy they didn't have to go to school.  I have bottles of hand sanitizer in EVERY room.  You know how you visit someone at the hospital and you have to use it before you go in, and when you leave, as do the nurses and docs?  That was my house.  I went around and Lysoled everything too. 

 I had class at 1, so I told the hubs that he'd be able to take care of things for a couple of hours.  I went to class, and when I got out, I had a message from my cardiologist's nurse.  She said that they had gotten my MRI results back (so soon, so unusual for doctors, lol), and while she didn't know why, Dr. Lane had told her to call me.  I needed to go to the Heart & Vascular center (where I had my surgery), and get a holter monitor.  Ugh...but the good news was that I could get rid of this lifevest!!!!   Yay!!!!  So the deal is this:  I need to wear the holter for 24 hours, and tomorrow, I'll take it back to the hospital, and they will see what it says.  A holter is basically a small monitor with 3 leads on me.  It'll continuously take record of my heart rhythm.  If it goes well and no serious arrythmias or anything, I'll be good to go.  I can go back to work!!!  So I'm hoping, praying, and crossing my fingers for a good outcome.  This has been almost 3 1/2 months in the making.  If the unfortunate happens, I'll have to wear another monitor (called event monitor) for 30 days, and go from there.  I'm so tired of  "going from there", let's just get there already!!!  Mama needs to make a little money, haha.  

So, later on this evening, while I was cooking dinner, I started feeling a little sick...NOOOOOOO!!!  I can't do it, I refuse.  I have a headache, and a bit of muscle soreness, but no fever.  I think I'm ok.  Oh yeah, plus I'm coughing some.  I can do this, I can get through it...I'm still going to sleep in Rianna's room tonight, since she's still in Gage's.  I'm feeling a little under the weather, but hopefully, I don't get what they've had all weekend.  Tomorrow, if they aren't better, we are calling the pedi.  I have just been trying to do what I could here, bc I know that if I go to the doc for basically just a fever, she's going to tell me I'm doing what I'm supposed to do.  But I've done it for the past few days, and it's possible they need antibiotics, so we will play it by ear.

Wish me luck, in getting rid of these germies AND in getting rid of these restrictions!

Missing you, Mom!

The last pics of mom and the kids...this was right before I had surgery.  I'm so glad I captured these, bc she hated taking pictures, and when I took these, she said that they were her favorite!  I love them too.

Mom, we love you a lot, and we miss you so much.  Thanksgiving and Christmas are not going to be the same.  :(

I decided to share a pic with yall...

Aren't they so adorable?  See why I've been fighting so hard to get better?  

Now, they have a little bit of a cold, so we are spending this weekend, taking care of each other.  We need a relaxing weekend, bc we were so busy last weekend.  

Torture Chamber :/

One of the tests I have to have before getting permission to go back to work is a cardiac MRI. It took over 4 weeks to schedule it, and yesterday was finally the day. I went in at 4pm, they took me right back, and I was pretty nervous. I had to get an IV in my arm, and as usual, it didn't work, so they had to do it again. The IV was for the dye they put in to highlight the organs, or whatever else they need to look at. After I got my IV, I changed into a gown and walked into the MRI room. It was so noisy. They gave me earplugs, but they barely helped. I got more nervous when I saw the machine. It was so narrow!! The tech asked if I was claustrophobic, and I didn't think I was, but...

So I had to lie down on this narrow table, and I couldn't rest my arms at my side bc of how narrow it was. She put some leads on me to hook up a heart monitor, and gave me a bulb shaped thing that I could press if I needed them during the scan. I clutched that thing for dear life while I was in there. When I started moving into the machine, I had half a mind to scream, "I quit, let me out of here", but I refrained for the time being. That thing was so narrow, I wouldn't have been able to reach up to scratch my nose if I needed to-which is kind of the point, bc you are not supposed to move at all while in there. I was finding out that maybe I was a teeny bit claustrophobic, after all. There were a variety of horrible noises that the machine made the entire hour and a half I was in there. I'd have a voice come on that would ask me to breathe in, breathe out, and hold the breath, or to breathe in, hold, then relax. This happened a lot, I lost count of how many times I was expected to hold my breath, but I probably could have been a candidate for the Navy, haha...ok, no, it wasn't that hard, I'd never make it into the Navy, especially based on holding my breath. Continuously, I felt like screaming for them to get me out of there, but the only thing that made me stay and try to be calm was the fact that if I quit, I'd have to start over, bc I still needed the MRI. The MRI is supposed to be my Get Out Of Jail Free card, I'm ready to go back to work. (PS, I don't mean being home is jail, it's just an expression, don't call me a cold-hearted B)...it's birthdays and Christmas time and I want my babies to have good ones, so I need to help out by going back to work. So, instead of verbally freaking out, I sucked it up, bc there was no way I was going to go through this again.

So a couple of people wanted to know the difference between an MRI and a CT scan. Here is a link that may be helpful:

X-ray vs MRI vs CT scans

Here is another informative link:

MRI of the heart

I had to get in this thing...who wouldn't go crazy in one of these?!?!

photo courtesy of diseasepictures.com

"Looks cozy, right?" said NO ONE EVER!

I feel as though I have indeed survived the torture chamber, and now I have to go take care of my sick girl. Poor thing has a fever, a barking cough, and needs to cuddle with her mama.

Praise The Lord!!!!!!

Gage had his pediatric cardiology appointment today. We have been worried for over a month. We had gone for a wellness check/flu shot, and I told his pedi what had gone on with me. She listened to his heart and heard a murmur. Faint, but there. So we set up this appt just to get him checked out. Dr. Lutin, the pediatric cardiologist checked him out and said that his heart is perfect!! That was the best news. David and I have been so worried.

Nov 6th

Today (yesterday now) is my birthday. I don't celebrate my birthday, I haven't since my 21st. Ugh, hard to believe that was 10 years ago...anyway, the kids were out of school, and it was Election Day, so we weren't going to spend it at home. Gage and Rianna woke up at 645 (and I thought I'd get to sleep in!), and snuggled up with me and told me 'happy birthday'. We hung out for a little while, then went to my stepdad's house. We ate lunch with them, hung out for a while, and then we left so I could go vote. I put in my vote and then we went grocery shopping. Yep, that is how I spent my birthday. But the most important part was that I was with my kids. That is what was special about this birthday. I'm just so happy I'm here after everything that has happened these last 3 months. It makes it all worth it. I am a happy mama. Tomorrow is Gage's appointment and I have to have FAITH that all will go well. He's my little man, so if y'all will say a prayer that he is perfectly healthy, I would appreciate it. I'll update tomorrow, if we hear anything.

Get me out of this lifevest!!!!

I swear, if I have to keep enduring this lifevest alarming, I'm going to have a reason for it, bc it's going to give me a heart attack!!! It's after 1 in the morning. I changed the battery in my lifevest like I do every night, walked in the kids' rooms to check on them one last time, and got back to my room, and the freaking alarm went off. I seriously cannot deal with this any longer, my nerves are shot! So, I pressed the buttons and it said that treatment has been delayed-gee thanks, bc I was doing just fine before the shrill of you occurred. Then, it went off again. It shrilled at me, and that nagging voice was calling out, "patient respond, bystanders stand back". What the heck! I'm ok, or at least I was before it scared me half to death! So since I had this thing happen Mon, I knew that since I pressed my buttons, I didn't have to call the doctor yet, just the lifevest people. They can look up my monitor and see why it went off. So I called. He looked at the alarm, and said that my leads were probably sliding. Well, I have my vest as tight as I can get it, and ding, ding, ding...I've lost weight, so my vest needs to be replaced for a smaller one. That should help save my last nerve when my alarm goes off for non-heart related reasons. I asked the doctor when I can go back to work. I mean, I'm married to a teacher. Teachers are so underpaid for what they do, that it's pathetic. Our stinking government cuts education first, all the time. They should cut that last bc kids need their education and teachers need to take care of their families (and themselves). Anyway, that's another post altogether. My point is that Rianna's birthday is coming up, then Christmas, and then Gage's birthday. So I'd like my paychecks again. I don't get disability at all, I get no financial anything at all while I'm out. Since I'm considered part time at work although I work(ed) 32-40 hrs per week, I don't have benefits, hence, no short-term disability. I'm lucky to have such a great husband who's an awesome father to our kids. I think about it all the time, how lucky I am. I see friends and family who don't have the support from a spouse the way I do, or their kids' father (or mother) is not in their lives. It's sad. And I make myself remember to never take it for granted, ever. When I was going through everything, David told me that I'd have to be strong so that I could be here for him and the kids. But I know that he'd be able to handle it if something happened to me, I just don't think I could do it without him. The doctor said I can't go back to work until I get the results from my cardiac MRI. Well, my MRI just got scheduled, FINALLY. It's Friday. So I'm thinking that I'll have the MRI then, and maybe my doctor will decide Monday if I can go back to work. This MRI will determine if I have to have the defibrillator implanted. If not, all should be fine. This should be my last test of my heart to determine if I can go back to work. So fingers crossed!!!!

Oh-and Gage was supposed to have his echo done last week, but the doctor had an emergency and had to reschedule. He goes Wednesday, so here's hoping that it doesn't get cancelled and it comes back normal. I don't want him to go through this. So if y'all can please keep him in your prayers for me, I'd appreciate it. Pins and needles til then...