Monday, October 1, 2012

Bad day turned good?

I was having a pretty crummy morning today, but it ended better. I just had sad started at cardiac rehab. I was looking around although I've seen it before, and all I noticed is that I'm the youngest in there. I already knew that, but it does bring me down. I don't think that other young people should be in my shoes just so that I can relate to someone there, but I still felt sad. And actually, I don't think it was the rehab that was making me sad. I'm thinking it was just how emotional I get these days. It's hard to explain. I am super sad about how scarred up I am. I mean, I have a scar the length of my back from back surgery 12 years ago. And now, I have a zipper. I am very grateful to be here, alive, and mostly well. But as I told David, it bothers me bc it's not just me who has to see this. It's him too. He reassured me that he is not bothered by it, but I can't help the insecure feelings. I know it's silly and vain, but I guess I have some right to feel this way occasionally. This evening, we went to the Mexican restaurant and I saw a couple friends. It's always nice to see them, bc they gave me such love and support through all of this. On a good note, I have an appointment Wed with my cardiologist, Dr. Lane. She should be letting me know if I can get rid of this portable defibrillator. I hope the answer is yes!!!! So I'll update after my appointment. Until then, I'm going to bed. I get tired way and lose energy faster than I used to...

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