A little more neglect...

I don't have much to post, but I needed to stop in and say "hello"…

My blood test results were fine, according to Dr. Lane's nurse.  I actually go back to see her on Nov 7th.  I had my 1 yr echo on Oct 7th.  I'm not sure of the results of that yet, bc the technician isn't allowed to tell you anything, and Dr. Lane hasn't called me.  I'm guessing 'no news is good news'; at least, that's what I'm hoping.  She was out of the office all last week, so the nurse said she hasn't reviewed the echo.  Pins and needles!!!

I'm feeling ok; still tired all the time.  I do stay on the go a lot, but in my downtime, I'm still tired.  I have my days…days where I feel awful, don't want to get out of bed, etc.  But I have a lot of good days.  Although just a few minutes ago, I had the most painful hiccups.  They hurt my chest sooooooo bad.  On the left side…I felt like someone kept punching me right there…weird…they lasted forever!

My Mawmaw (the one I used to live with, and is now in the nursing home-stupid Alzheimer's!) was in the hospital last week.  She had pneumonia.  Obviously, since I haven't had my flu shot yet, I didn't go visit her.  But I am always thinking about her.  I love that woman so much, and I miss all the old, good times we had.

Speaking of…go get your flu shots people!!!  The kids are going for theirs today at 230, and I'm going sometime this weekend.  I'm going to Walgreen's for mine, and so is David.  At Walgreen's, if you get a shot, they give a shot…to someone in an underdeveloped country.  I like it.  I like everything, even little things, that can make a big difference.

Anyway, I have to go.  As soon as I hear anything, I'll post about it.  It probably won't be until after my appointment though.


Oh, one more thing:


HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my niece HALEY!!!!  I love you!!!!!!

CMN update...

I don't have an update on my heart (which is fantastic news!), so I thought I'd do a CMN update…

We are entering the home stretch.  Our fall campaign lasts for only 2 weeks, and I'm proud to say that we surpassed our goal.  Our customers and employees who've continuously donated are super awesome!  And it's for such a good cause.  I'm actually looking into an event our company does (and I think it's year-round) to start working on.  I'll let y'all know as soon as it happens.

I hate the feeling that I'm neglecting this blog, but I really don't have any news.  Um…ok, well, I need to have my other 2 wisdom teeth taken out…so do not wanna, but they're starting to bother me.  I wish Dr. Chain Smoker would have taken them all at once.  I'm not going back to him for these, and if my insurance says I have to, they can kiss it.  I can't stand that I was inhaling his smoke breath while he was digging around in my mouth.  That was worse than the million-needle-sticks in the mouth.  Blech!

Oh, another reason I'm dreading the dentist is bc of having to take meds beforehand.  As a heart patient, it's important…and a headache…you have to plan everything.


Anyway, talk later...

CMN meeting today...

I know that has nothing to do with my heart, but I like to share what's going on...we are entering our fall campaign for the Children's Miracle Network.  It starts Sept 4th.  I get excited for CMN, it's one of the main charities I love to campaign for.  Our store was #1 in our district.  So I'm hoping we can do it again.  This time, I want to have a dress down weekend, put our umbrellas back up for the Pennies from Heaven, and see what else I can come up with.  Any suggestions??  , haha...

I will keep this blog updated on the campaign, wish us luck!

My heart is doing ok, so that's great right?!  I haven't heard back from Dr. Lane about the blood work, so I'm guessing that's a good sign.

My appt...

It went pretty well.  Dr. Lane said that my heart sounds great!  I have to go have some labs done (which I'll probably do Thurs), bc my last set of labs concluded that my thyroid levels were low.  So we will retest and see if they've come up.  If not, guess what…more medication.  It could be the cause of my fatigue.  Who knows?

I asked about whether or not I should continue with the baby aspirin, and she said it's not 100% necessary, but it won't hurt.  I asked about the vision loss thing, and she said it's not true.  So I was misinformed.  She said that it's a good idea to take them bc it will prevent blood clots.  Dr. Lane said that she and her colleagues always talk about my case bc of how rare and interesting it is.  Rare bc of my age, I suppose.  Ha-also, she asked if we are through having kids, and I said yes.  She said that she thought we were, but wanted to let me know (just in case) that if we wanted to have more, I'm very healthy and would be ok.  I would be high risk (I was with both babies anyway), but that if my heart can handle having 2 babies pre-heart surgery, then I would be ok if there was ever a next time.  I guess it's good to know, bc I am often asked if we're having any more babies.

I have to go in October to have an echo done, just for precautions.  I'll have it then bc my last one was a year ago Oct…makes sense.  After the echo, I'll see her to discuss the results, and if all goes well, I will only have to see her once a year.  YAY!

Oh, also, remember when I had the life vest on?  Of course y'all do…I complained about it often!  Anyway, the insurance company had approved it, sent me a letter stating so, and then months later, sent another letter denying the claim.  So I appealed it, esp since I had the approval letter.  They denied my appeal.  Dr. Lane's nurse printed out all of my records for the 2 weeks I was in the hospital, and during that process, they decided to pay for it.  Anyway, today, she gave me the records.  A LOT!

AND…I have copies of all my EKGs that I had from day 1 through the end of my hospital stay.  I think I may scan them and post them…just not now.  It's amazing, though…I was looking through them all, and the difference is crazy!  Seriously, it's like I was going through multiple patients' records and comparing them.  Just like when my fave nurse Ana let me listen to my heart before surgery-the differences bw my unhealthy heart and healthy heart auscultations were unreal.

My blood pressure today was 111/66.  Dr. Lane said that she is very pleased with my blood pressure; that she has been this whole time.  At least I have that on my side :)

Well, any more news and I'll update!

Right now, I'm basically doing a happy dance in my head.  It kinda looks like this:

Bing images

Yep…that's me…haha!

Doctor's appt today...

I'm not sure what to expect, since I haven't seen her in a while, but I do have questions in my mind to ask her.  Such as:

1. Do I have to take baby aspirin for the rest of my life?  We talked about this before, and she had said 'yes', but I need to know what the pros and cons are.  One thing I know, is that taking aspirin, including baby aspirin, for extended periods of time, can cause vision loss.  No-freaking-thank you.  Sigh............

2. What are these weird, sometimes painful, sometimes just pressure-y feelings, I get in my left shoulder, chest, etc?  I know signs of a heart attack, I know that the list isn't etched in stone, but I'm tired of worrying if it's for no reason.  And of course, if there is a reason, I need to know.  

3. How far can I push myself?  I want to workout extremely hard (er).  I want to be super healthy, but I don't want to die doing it.  And if I'm in a class, I definitely don't want to die in front of strangers.  Yes, I know that's weird to say, but it's definitely crossed my mind a time or two...or ten...

4. Heavy lifting?  What's safe?  I'm pretty weak anyway, so it's not like I'm going to bench press like a linebacker, but when I'm working, I try not to lift heavy items.  It kinda goes back to the not wanting to die in public feelings.  Plus, I need to give some of my coworkers reassurance, bc they won't let me do anything strenuous.

 

So, it's not too much, but it's a start.  I wish I could pull up some more questions, bc I always think of them after the appt is over.  That will suck...what also sucks?  The dang $65 copay...I'm so gonna milk this appt.  Ha!

I will update after my appt.  It's at 8am, so I'd better get to sleep.  Later.

"When fear knocks, let faith open the door"

Tonight, on the ESPYs, Robin Roberts said this.  Everyone probably knows who she is, so I won't explain.  She is so brave and awesome.  I wish I had the ability to inspire others the ways she does.  I think that she's absolutely right in what she said, but I wonder if she's ever had any moments of doubt?  Doubt about her body's ability to work when manipulated to do so...setbacks, or possible setbacks...days where she just thought it would be easier to just throw in the towel???  I'm sure she has...I think we all do.

The reason I'm doing so much wondering (instead of sleeping since it IS 334am), is because I have such moments where I feel like any day is going to be that day...what makes me ponder this?  Well, pains, flutterings, discomforts, too much time on my hands (I don't know!!)... I never worried about this stuff before.  But when I experience these feelings, I worry for a while afterwards that this is it.  I HATE thinking this way...hate it.  I don't think we should walk around worrying constantly if this is our moment to die.  That's no way to live.  I can't really voice these feelings to my loved ones, can I? I'd either get the reassuring "no honey, you're fine" speech, the crazy look, or fear out of my children if they overhear me.  Since this heart thing last year, I feel so vulnerable to everything.  When my chest hurts for a moment, I wonder if its a heart attack.  But I didn't have a heart attack, you say.  I know that, but fear takes over.  If I feel flutters, I think, "oh no, I'm gonna have a VTAC", and anyone who's ever had those know that they can make you feel paralyzed, which equals helplessness.

So I have to keep the faith, I know.  I have to keep telling myself that it's ultimately not up to me when it'll be my time to go.  Worrying will accomplish nothing.  I have to live my life.

I want to let everyone know that my friend's baby is doing well.  Getting bigger and stronger, and he's adorable!
Also, I was very sad to hear of Talia Castellano's passing.  She's the little girl who was battling cancer.  She was 13, a very beautiful girl, and honorary Cover Girl.  Since she had no hair, she did a lot with her makeup.  Her makeup was always beautiful.
adweek.com

Anyway, I'm gonna try to keep telling myself that it'll be ok...I hope I can push through all of this negativity that's plaguing me, and learn to appreciate my life.  I'm grateful, of course, because I have a great husband and kids, but I've gotta give it all up to faith.  It's just taking time...(sneaking up on a year) :)

Late night thoughts and rambles...

The past couple of days has had me in a state of anxiety.  It all started with work on Thurs night.  I was at the computer, about to pull up the final totals for CMN (by the way, we came in 2nd, and were only 1 of the 2 stores that met our goal and surpassed it!!!!)…I was reading over the spreadsheet and all of a sudden, I got a little light headed and super hot.  I felt like I was going to pass out.  I let a couple people know where David's phone number was in case something happened, but I didn't want to make a big deal out of it.  Truthfully, if this had happened before surgery, and it probably did, I wouldn't have given it a 2nd thought.  It's funny how now, I notice every little thing.  The light headed, dizzy-esque feeling occurred a couple more times that night, but I pushed them aside, started breathing deeply, and told myself that I probably experienced a drop in blood pressure.  If you recall, my normal bp is about 102/58, so I figured that was the culprit.

Well, the episodes have occurred a few more times since then.  By a few, I don't really have a number.  Honestly, more than a few, but since I have no number, whatever…

I don't want to fret and call the doctor over every little thing.  They have a lot of patients that are in worse shape than I am to worry about…but I think Monday, I will call.  Some may tell me that I shouldn't wait until then, but I am NOT paying a $150 copay to the ER for nothing.  It's sad enough that I have to pay $65 each time I see Dr. Lane.  I know that money shouldn't be the issue when it comes to your health, but the bottom line is, I don't need to boggle David down anymore financially.  Especially if this is something normal that I'll have to live with forever.

Now to the part of my problem that does have me a bit more worried.  I still have pain.  Y'all, it's been 11 months (on July 8th), and I know that I had a major surgery, but come on…still in pain.  This is different though.  It's on my right side of my incision.  When I turn to the right, lay on my right side, and do things with my right arm, I get a super sharp, stabbing pain in the right side of my chest.  Now, we could go back to the old joke in which the doctor says, "well, don't do that", but I kinda have to use the right side of my body.  To experience that much pain just by turning over in the bed on my right side, that leads me to feel like I have to call the doctor.  I don't think going to the ER for that is going to be helpful.  What if Dr. Lane isn't on call?  Then, I'd have to tell my whole ordeal to the doctor I'd see, and he'd refer me to her anyway.  (Actually, I think that any doctor in any dept can see my records, as well as other patients, because of their new system, but anyway…still…)

So, I promise to get that call in to her on Monday.  I was supposed to go to see her the other day, but her office called and said that she can't see me until August 5th.  Some scheduling conflict…anyway…

Well, how about something that hurt my feelings, rather than my body?  Today, I went to my niece's birthday party (Happy 9th Birthday, Harley!!!!!!).

                                                   Thank you, oh website that I can't remember borrowing this image from!

As I was leaving, I dropped my iPhone.  My 5 month old iPhone…in its Otterbox, shattered.  The face is destroyed.  I dropped it on a stick, the glass shattered, and the stick broke in half.  Seriously…and we are the ones who didn't buy Apple Care, or any other kind of warranty.  I was upset at first, but as I was driving home, I kept telling myself that it was just a materialistic thing.  David had his old phone, the 4, which isn't very old, so I'm using that one.  I don't want to buy another one, especially right now, since they probably will come out with a 6 or something as soon as I do buy another one.  We are thinking of trying the new Samsung phone; I have no idea what it is called, but David is showing interest, so we'll see.

I am totally going to bed now, because I have to wake up early, try to workout without too much pain, and then go see my friend at the hospital.  She just had her baby, and while we're on the subject, let's all say a prayer for her and her baby.  He was born just yesterday, at 29 weeks, so he's little bitty thing.  He weighs 3.2lbs, and the doctors say that he is doing well, considering, so I'm hoping they will continue to do well.  I did get to see a pic, and he's adorable.

Goodnight!